What does god say about dating after divorce
Question: "I am in the process of getting a divorce.
Can I start dating, or do I have to wait until the divorce is final?
You sure wouldn’t want someone treating your eventual wife that way. This is the question most asked by teenagers, but don’t dating adults want to know too? If you spend your dating time at your house on a cozy couch, that’s all kinds of temptation. If you’re in a relationship, talk about this with your date. If you fail, you admit you’re human and need God’s help.
Take the long view here, knowing that whomever you marry should enter the marriage feeling respected, protected, and loved — as demonstrated by Christ. So you get to that moment where your God-created, sexually charged body is going nuclear with desire, and you’re somehow supposed to shut that off like a flip-switch. You need strategies (or tactics — I get those two confused) to keep from getting into that my-brain-is-mush moment. Unfortunately, it’s often the wrong question, because what you’re really asking is how close to the land mines can you get without being in danger. Rather, ask what level of affection is honoring to God and respectful of your date. But if you’re sitting across from someone at a dinner table or walking hand-in-hand through a museum, it’s not likely you’re going to get busy there. Things like “If I start feeling extremely turned on, I need a break. Does that mean you already crossed the line and should just give up and go for it?
Last Monday, I gave a general perspective of the situation, and you can read that post HERE. As Pastor James Mac Donald has often said, “When God says makes some things more bearable — like it’s hard for me to be upset about some of the little annoyances from my husband when he just brought me to ecstasy hours earlier. But when you’re dating someone, you need those glasses transparent so you can get to know this person and how you are together.
Today, I want to get into specifics on staying sexually pure. After being married and having a sex life, it can feel excruciatingly slow to back everything up to holding hands, then a soft kiss, then a lingering kiss, and then a more passionate kiss . If you add sex into the mix, you’ll feel prematurely attached and less able to see them clearly. I realize it may feel like you don’t have that kind of time, but slow isn’t years. We cannot do this on our own, so seek out all the Christian resources you need to stay sexually pure.
But what does starting over after divorce look like? You cannot see the forest for the trees; you cannot see around the bend.
After all I am over half a century old with an adult son and a daughter in High School. Some advisers tell me that I need to wait until I am dead, well almost dead to start dating again.
Most people going through a divorce, even when it is not their fault and even when they have biblical reasons, are usually shattered by the circumstances and not in any frame of mind to be “dating.” People don’t usually make good decisions while “on the rebound.” For a still-hurting divorced person or someone in a painful divorce process to be dating is neither wise nor prudent.
The abandoned spouse may indeed be lonely, but making clear-headed, godly relationship decisions in such a situation is difficult, if not impossible.
Even very Church oriented Christ centered Christians are having a hard time staying sexually pure.
This is even an order of magnitude greater in my opinion for divorcees my age. It can feel like time-traveling back to high school (or junior high for some of you). Remind yourself that you want to be faithful to God’s design for sexual intimacy, that you want to show respect and care for the woman you are dating, and that waiting has true benefits.
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